…and I think a lot of us have.
It’s sad, it really is – that there is this subliminal pressure to often look differently than we do, and to constantly question ourselves leading us to be uncomfortable in our own skin.
It comes from so many places, and it’s hard to pinpoint where exactly because I really believe it’s unique to everyone. But here’s a little bit of what happened for me.
I had two pivotal experiences with consciousness about my weight, leading to spiraling, out-of-control behaviour.
- Grade 8- 11. In eighth grade, I had saved up allowances for weeks to buy myself a pair of “Silver” overalls (remember those!?) I was so excited to wear them to school on my birthday. A boy from my class who often made jabs at me (now, I’m pretty sure he was flirting…) came up to me at my locker and proceeded to tell me how fat I looked in the overalls I was wearing. I was devastated. And, it was my birthday. Until that moment, I don’t think I had really compared myself to anyone before, never thought about my being bigger or taller than my friends as a bad thing, but from that moment on… I did.Grade 9 rolled around, and I switched to high school where the pressure set in strong, and fellow cruel, yet influential teenagers definitely weren’t shy about sharing their opinions about what they thought was cool, and what they thought wasn’t. All too often, I let a smug remark about my height, weight, or looks control everything. I’d also like to point out… I wasn’t even that “big.”I let it control me so much that I started throwing up my lunch & dinner. I would eat a slice of pizza with my friends for lunch, and then lock myself in the Pizza Pizza bathroom to throw it up.It was awful.
- When I was 23 I had a male friend tell me I had “thunder thighs.” If you know me, you know that that is far from the truth, so I don’t even know WHY I believed it. Looking back, I have no clue why he would have said it, and again why I let it have so much control – but it did.I had started to learn about low-calorie diets, and also the power of burning more calories in a day than you consume for rapid weight loss.So, I limited myself to 1,200 calories a day. And – I ran 5x a week, and did hot yoga 5x a week. I didn’t stray, and lost 35 pounds in three months.
Now – I think that DIET + EXERCISE is the only way, but when you let it consume you for incredibly unhealthy reasons, you’re not doing it right.
For the past 6 years, I’ve been on such a massive journey of digging deeply into my soul to uncover the most real version of myself that exists, and in that process I’ve been learning the most powerful way of staying healthy.
And that, lies somewhere in the art of balance.
Health for me, is balance.
Balance of the food I put in my body, the activities I do with my body, and the things I believe in my mind about my body.
This portion of my blog is dedicated to my commitment to live out the healthiest version of myself. There will be recipes, workouts, half marathon training trips, yoga sequences & meditations. (I’m a certified 200hr Hatha Teacher, circa 2014)
Let’s go on this journey of loving our bodies together.